May 29, 2010- The Case for Want
I was driving behind a car the other day when one of their bumper stickers grabbed my attention. Want Less. I know in principle that it's about materialism and controlling our urge to acquire, to upgrade, to lust after things... and this driver no doubt lives a life of beautiful simplicity that I should aspire to. I get it- wanting too much can get you in trouble. Yet while part of me was nodding along in chastened agreement, the other part of me was shaking my head vigorously No! at the thought of 'wanting' in itself being stemmed. The statement is too absolutist; it should say 'Want things less', or 'Want carefully'. Because is it always so unequivocally bad to just want?
When someone tells me that I should want less, somehow my dreams feel threatened. I am not afraid to want more of so many lovely things- vacation days, a new Arcade Fire album, another daughter, dessert. I can even embrace my want of things that are impossible, like the discovery of an authentic Austen sequel to Pride and Prejudice, a new dad, or all the answers to Lost. It's by channeling healthy want that so many people have created better lives for themselves, and that as a human race we have achieved so many amazing things.
I know at some point I'll look back on the thought that want is healthy and laugh- probably somewhere around the time when toddler A starts saying "I want... I want..." on repeat. Wanting goes beyond needing- it's an 'extra', an often trivial push for what we don't have. But there are good things about wanting, and we can't escape it- somehow it's a crucial human right to seek, to hunger, to aspire- yes, to want. Like anything it must be moderated, since without limits want can turn in a weak moment to greed or lust, but wanting itself is not bad. Like money- it's not the thing itself that is dangerous, it's the love of it that is the 'root of all evil'. And there's the rub; we all have to decide for ourselves where the line is. At what point do we want too much of the wrong thing, or want the right thing too badly? It's not as simple as just 'wanting less' of everything- I want to decide how much on a case by case basis.
A bold-faced confession:
I want: (the big and the trivial, uncensored for selfishness or materialism, and in addition to all the obvious and obligatory things like an end to world conflict, poverty, hunger, etc.)
All the things for A that most parents want for their children: health, happiness, college...
A great stepfather (when Mum is ready, of course :-)
More years with my grandma
Time to write a novel
Several nights of unlimited sleep
A green thumb
To be uninjured and able to run again
Another daughter
To find a place where I can row just on the weekends (and never- not ever! at 5 am)
To live in the UK for a while
To find a community of faith that is more like AA than a typical church
To finish a Sunday New York Times crossword by myself
A PhD
What do you want?
