I get locked down, but I get up again
It’s been months since I wrote- it feels like forever and no time at all, as these strange times do. In December I felt so hopeful- we’d nearly turned the corner on this thing and were on course for normalcy. Then the variant appeared, and it all changed overnight. We went into stay-at-home orders right after Christmas, and we’re still there… 2 weeks to go (Scotland is on a slower roll than England). We can only leave home for exercise, and I am BORED!, though still feeling lucky and grateful. It’s been difficult to have come all this way to get A in school, only to have her stuck learning at home again. All our troubles with her ODD came right back in January, and for most of this lockdown we weren’t able to see my parents to lean on them. But we’re getting through, as everyone is- learning hard lessons and looking forward to a brighter time. I can’t wait to go to restaurants and make some friends and explore Scotland… so frustrating to have spent the better part of 6 months looking out the window!
So it’s been strange to watch the US deal with Covid from afar. We have very low cases in Edinburgh (5 per 100,000) and the UK should have herd immunity this week, yet in Scotland we’re in lockdown while everyone on Facebook seems to be flying somewhere sunny on vacation. I’m glad for the caution here, but MAN am I jealous! It looks like a different world over there. And the vaccine rollout! One of the benefits of a national health care system is that it’s relatively easy to manage a centralized deployment like this. Everyone is registered with a local ‘surgery’ (GP’s office), and they just call their patients as the age groups come up, and you go in for a shot. The find-it-yourself vaccine distribution in the US seem chaotic and haphazard from here- but at least it’s getting done?
Another strange one- voting rights. We were so surprised to find out that as residents we can vote in the upcoming Scottish parliamentary election, whether or not we have citizenship. If you live here, you get a voice. They’ve even mailed us instructions to register online. We’re now doing homework on the various parties and policies, and it’s been fascinating to see how another democracy works up close, and it’s a stark contrast to the US election and the recent moves toward voter suppression.
It’s also been jarring to see the US mass shootings. Even the police here don’t carry guns, so it’s easy to get used to the lack of gun violence. It’s like that lovely quiet after Trump left office- you only realize then how loud it was. Gun violence in the US is a relentless drumbeat; every time something happens, we’re surprised/not surprised, and it rolls over and off with ‘hopes and prayers’. And only the really big ones make the national media. But being away lets you be shocked again. Watching from here, the collective willingness to put up with it looks like insanity. Our house is two doors down from the US Embassy, and it’s appalling how often that flag is flying at half-mast (besides for Prince Philip!)
Speaking of our house- we’ve moved (again)! I’m restless by nature- a textbook Enneagram 7 if you know that assessment (it’s great- take it!). I thrive on adventure, stimulating experiences, and deep connections with people. Being stuck at home for months in a new country with no friends has been a serious soul-killer. Zoloft has been a mercy- which is it’s own post…. and two forms of novelty have also kept me going: I started a new role at work in January (no more Seattle hours with midnight meetings!), and we moved to a new house in February.
6 Regent Terrace
We were feeling a little cramped in our flat, great though it was, since we are all working and schooling from home. Our agent called us about this house before it hit the market- it’s just a mile from where we were, at the other end of Princes St (downtown), overlooking Arthur’s Seat (mini-mountain) and Holyrood Palace. 7 min walk to the Amazon office and all the shops, etc. It’s so unique… built in 1831, with 3 floors, 10 fireplaces, and a big garden (Britspeak for ‘yard’). From a little door at the back of our garden you walk into a 13-acre residents’ garden with woodlands, tennis courts, and views over the water. The house is owned by an interior designer (who did Bowie’s house), so it’s full of art and antiques and is generally eclectic and marvelous. It feels a bit like a British country house (stone staircases, farmhouse rustic kitchen) in the middle of the city. I’m so grateful to live amid beauty- it’s such a privilege, though it shouldn’t be. We didn’t need to move- but if we’re going to live over here we might as well go big, right? I’m grateful that my family went along with it 😊 Hoping to do lots of entertaining when things open up this summer.
Arthur’s Seat in the background
In other news, D and I are back together. I did not see that coming, however many of you did (I know I’ve lost at least 2 bets)! We’ve been living very easily together for over a year since Covid, and it got to the point where the reasons for were much stronger than the reasons against. Being isolated in a new country makes you lean on each other, and in all these evenings with nowhere to go we’ve been able to talk through many of the hard things we left hanging when we split up. After years of hopeless online dating, I realized one day this fall that if I met D on a Bumble date I would totally want to keep seeing him. He’s handsome, funny, smart, driven, sweet, and a great dad. And while he’s a homebody at heart, he was brave and adventurous enough to take this leap and move overseas with me.
We aren’t perfect together, we still have much to work on, and he is a complete mystery to me in many ways. But we’ve both changed in the 7 years we’ve been apart, and we’ve somehow ended up a better fit for each other than we were in the beginning. Or maybe I’m just finally ready for this domesticated life together. Of course, I also have to give a little credit to the episode of Bridgerton we watched on New Year’s Eve. (And yesterday I discovered A watching that show- yikes!- never thought I would have to censor period dramas 🤯). We aren’t planning to get remarried (or ‘undivorced’, as A would call it), but we’re a unit in ways we weren’t before, and it seems auspicious that we could make it through a year of Covid with only each other for company. As we all know, lockdown is not exactly conducive to romance, especially with kids around- so I’m looking forward to actually having a date night one of these days! (Did I mention we get out of lockdown in 336 hours?!)
Isn’t it funny, in family relationships, how one day you can go the whole day wrapped in your own little world without really paying attention, and the next day can be all-consuming drama? In our house we can seriously go all day just bumping off one another like atoms, pinging around this big place, only lightly aware of each other. And the next we can have these intense interactions in various combinations, and I go to bed thinking Man. Today was hard with them. I learned a lot. I hope tomorrow is an Atom Day.
In other developments, we bought a car around Christmas- another ‘project’ that kept me busy for a bit 🤗 We were paying a fortune for a long-term rental, and wanted something we couldn’t easily get in the US. I’m the car person so took the lead role, and after lots of research and test drives in the fall I decided to get a red Alpha Romeo. I know, feel free to roll your eyes and make jokes about a midlife crisis. I accept that- and they’re not just for men- I think I’m on my second! But European cars aren’t expensive here (about Acura pricing), and it’s a dream to drive, and all I could picture was zipping along remote coastal Scottish roads with sheep flying by and the music loud…. yeah. Since we got it a few days before lockdown I haven’t even driven enough to need gas yet! Kills me to see it sitting there outside, all gleaming and new, and only be able to drive it to the grocery store. Another thing on hold, and to look forward to.
As things get better here, I’m hoping to be better about writing. Funny how even when things seem so boring, when you look back you can see quite a bit was actually happening. Chronicling it makes it seem like more of a journey and less of a blur.
So many comments in response to this with congratulations, etc., which is so lovely- but also eye-opening my funny!! because most days I’m lost in the blue funk of lockdown and boredom and a challenging child- so it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that yes, there is still much to celebrate, and these changes over the last few months are so positive and balance it all out. Thanks for reminding me- Cheers!
