Patience, Grasshopper
Another day in limbo while we wait for A’s visa to arrive. We were meant to fly 2 weeks ago, but have kept bumping our flights and wondering every day if we’ll be able to go tomorrow. We’ll need to quarantine for 14 days when we arrive, so every delay is another day of missed school for A and a flat sitting empty.
It is a cruel thing to have your life in the hands of a paper-pusher in an unseen office. I have always taken for granted that I have agency over my own life. This is a privilege; one that I couldn’t see. So many people, especially now, are waiting ages for government decisions, support checks, vaccines, asylum… it’s the most helpless feeling I’ve ever had, but I’m so very grateful that my angst is over a simple move, not economic or physical survival.
I’m not a very patient person. When I decide to do something, I want to start now. So this delay is a good learning opportunity for me, and I’m trying every day to accept it and look for the lessons. What is the source of my discomfort with this limbo?
Limbo is hard for humans. We crave security, and spent thousands of years evolving to where we could sleep soundly in a sheltered place with some expectation of what the next day would bring. But I’m stuck between lives right now… I’ve packed up my house, emptied my refrigerator, and said goodbye to my friends, who are patiently amused when I keep turning up. While frustrating, I’m trying to appreciate endless takeout meals, using less stuff, and the simplicity of having only two changes of clothes.
Living one day at a time has held another lesson- I have new eyes for what I love about my life here. Having limited time (however unknown the time!) makes me appreciate everything because I will soon say goodbye to it. A sunset walk around Green Lake with a friend, the sound of A laughing with her friends, my own pillow, the sight of the mountains in the distance. Also, so many things I won’t have there… Mexican food! Sunshine! Prime One-Day Shipping!
I’m so grateful for my happiness here, and being forced to stay in the present has made it even sweeter.
(December postscript from Edinburgh- we do have Mexican food, sunshine, and Prime shipping- woot! However, we do not have gluten-free pretzels, poke, drip coffee, our Vitamix, or cheap pedicures)
